Being a third culture kid, it is hard for me to define what my “native” culture is. Even though I’ve lived in America for only two years compared to fifteen years in Korea, it’s unnatural for me to call Korea my “home.” Moving to a whole, different country at youth was a cultural shock for me that triggered my religious world view.
When I was getting introduced to Korean culture, I was told not to leave the dining table until I was done with my rice in the bowl because leaving food unfinished was considered “sinful” in Korean culture. My parents would tell me, “People who finish their food clean without a single pebble of rice in their bowl will have fortunes or luck after them.” My friends would tell me if I don’t finish my food, I am going to need to finish it in hell when I die. Honestly, I was perplexed. Then, my grandma would approach me and say, “If you don’t finish your food, Buddha’s going to punish you.” I found it ridiculous to believe in anything. I saw religion and any kind of belief as a boundary to what I can do. I didn’t understand people wanting to have rules to live with.
Despite such negativism towards religion I did have a time when believed in Buddhism. I simply thought I was a Buddhist because I grew up in a Buddhist family. Growing up in a Buddhist environment, it was my culture. My grandma would tell me, “Pray to Buddha. He will answer your prayer in the wisest way.” With an innocent heart, I really did pray to Buddha whenever I needed or wanted something. Even though letting Buddha control my concerns gave me a sense of relief, I felt impotent. I was disappointed at myself for not being independent. Finally, I started to step away from Buddha when I moved to America. America was a perfect setting for me to focus on myself because Buddhist temple was never to be found.
Living in America was like a vacation from spiritual stress. I wasn’t thinking about religion. I believed in myself for my skills and I was happy. I figured that a people don’t need religion to live because I was fine without it.
When I moved back to Korea, I was confronted with Christianity while attending a Christian school. I was closest to God when I was in sophomore year; however as I got to know more about this religion, it was as if something else was pulling me back. It wasn’t Satan. It was myself. Believing in
another religion meant I was surrendering myself. I hated the fact that religion took away my independence. Thus, I decided not to believe in any religion, but just respect what they are.
I became an argumentative person as I collided with Korean culture that caused nothing more than friction. The culture made me doubtful and in fact erased religion out of my world view. I surely do have respect for those who believe in religion and I’m happy for them that they found peace in themselves. I think the world needs something to lean on because of its unstable mind. As for me, religion doesn’t affect me any more and I’m satisfied with who I am.
When I was getting introduced to Korean culture, I was told not to leave the dining table until I was done with my rice in the bowl because leaving food unfinished was considered “sinful” in Korean culture. My parents would tell me, “People who finish their food clean without a single pebble of rice in their bowl will have fortunes or luck after them.” My friends would tell me if I don’t finish my food, I am going to need to finish it in hell when I die. Honestly, I was perplexed. Then, my grandma would approach me and say, “If you don’t finish your food, Buddha’s going to punish you.” I found it ridiculous to believe in anything. I saw religion and any kind of belief as a boundary to what I can do. I didn’t understand people wanting to have rules to live with.
Despite such negativism towards religion I did have a time when believed in Buddhism. I simply thought I was a Buddhist because I grew up in a Buddhist family. Growing up in a Buddhist environment, it was my culture. My grandma would tell me, “Pray to Buddha. He will answer your prayer in the wisest way.” With an innocent heart, I really did pray to Buddha whenever I needed or wanted something. Even though letting Buddha control my concerns gave me a sense of relief, I felt impotent. I was disappointed at myself for not being independent. Finally, I started to step away from Buddha when I moved to America. America was a perfect setting for me to focus on myself because Buddhist temple was never to be found.
Living in America was like a vacation from spiritual stress. I wasn’t thinking about religion. I believed in myself for my skills and I was happy. I figured that a people don’t need religion to live because I was fine without it.
When I moved back to Korea, I was confronted with Christianity while attending a Christian school. I was closest to God when I was in sophomore year; however as I got to know more about this religion, it was as if something else was pulling me back. It wasn’t Satan. It was myself. Believing in
another religion meant I was surrendering myself. I hated the fact that religion took away my independence. Thus, I decided not to believe in any religion, but just respect what they are.I became an argumentative person as I collided with Korean culture that caused nothing more than friction. The culture made me doubtful and in fact erased religion out of my world view. I surely do have respect for those who believe in religion and I’m happy for them that they found peace in themselves. I think the world needs something to lean on because of its unstable mind. As for me, religion doesn’t affect me any more and I’m satisfied with who I am.
Pictures:
http://www.nikonsmallworld.com/info.php
6 comments:
Jean,
Interesting post. I'm sure that must have been very confusing to have so many conflicting world views coming into your life from so many different people! I can't imagine.
I respect that conclusion that you have arrived at, I want to ask that you remain open throughout this novel and see it as an opportunity to grow intellectually and grow as a member of a group of diverse learners both spiritually and intellectually. In the way that you want your world view respected, respect the world view of others. Plus, I will be very interested to hear your comments in class about how you view the spiritual aspects we discuss. Speak up in the discussions please!
Jean you are unique and loved! I appreciate you sharing your heart and life, so openly.I hope that this course will challenge; encourage and stretch you. I want you to grow emotionally; intellectually and spiritually during this sempiternal english class course. I want to encourage you to seek for answers: " Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness
will find life, righteousness, and honour." Proverbs 21v21. Mrs.Mc.
I can totally relate to your post as I have had parallel experiences with you. The superstitions, the traditional customs, and religions forced upon us do get tough sometimes. Great post!
You finding it unnatural to call yourself Korean was a new thing for me. I have read many comments there are people who lived all their life in America but still call themselves Korean. I guess people tend to want to call themselves the nationality they feel most comfortable around(then I want to be called Korean)... It was really interesting reading your blog post, as you give your own view points and the conclusion you have come to, I respect your decision.I undestand the religion being forced on you as I have had the same experiences. Reading other people's view of the world is really interesting.
You do your homework really soon because I already saw your new blog post and I haven't even started working on mine.
Your post was really insightful! Now that I have read all you have written I was able to see the shifts in your view of religion from ninth to tenth grade then from tenth to eleventh-your post really helped me understand where you are coming from. There were several quotes that really struck me: "Believing in another religion meant I was surrendering myself."
That is one aspect of putting trust into anything/anyone-whether it be something of a religious nature or not. This is so well exemplified in Peace Child with the whole idea of "fattening with friendship for the slaughter". Another quote that struck me was: "I hated the fact that religion took away my independence. Thus, I decided not to believe in any religion, but just respect what they are.". I see your point especially when it is put in together with your other quote regarding the surredering of yourself. However I am curious to know what you consider independence. I would argue that we don't really have independence as there are circumstances out of our control and ones that breach our "independence". The question now is to what "law" or "moral code" does one submit themselves. I suppose that one could try to make their own moral code/law of life, but they would still be born to a family with its own set of rules, a country with its rules, a society with its rules. There has never existed a true revolutionary who functioned against all laws and standards.
Jean,
I think your post was one of the entries that stuck out at my the most, in a good way. Being in this school has changed my views little by little but I was so afraid that if I stood up for my own opposing views of many people I know then I would be completely left out. I really appreciate your confidence and that you are standing by your views, and I hope I may be able to have a really 'clear' sureness of myself too.-Ji young
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